We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the liver wants what the liver wants
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
