Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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