i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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