My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
