The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
