I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
