guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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