just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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