hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
