let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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