Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize