I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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