Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
