She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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