remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
