Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize