I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
