Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
