is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize