He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
