you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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