Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
