Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
