Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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