I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
