you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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