If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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