we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize