I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the day after is always just damage control
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
