We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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