1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize