My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
