i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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