farters have to be the big spoon...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
