I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
