We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
