you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
