just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
