if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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