Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
