it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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