You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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