I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
