We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize