She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
