I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
