was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
