smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
