jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
