she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
