I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
