he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
