So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
