She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
