Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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