I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
