Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
