i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You pole danced in your parka.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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