State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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