i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
These tits shall not be calmed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
