I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
