they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize