Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
