Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
