went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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