I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think your dad took our porno
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
