I showed him my bush... on skype.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
