Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
