Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
