don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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