when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
