Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize