The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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